Deciding on a pitch? - The Meeting

PITCH

It took me a while to come to the right decision on the pitch I wanted for this story. I know that this is good practice for industry norm, so I have tried to think this through and come up with the pitch that I think clearly advertises my idea.

1st Draft

A man and woman encounter one another through a series of days spent on a riverbank during photographers Golden hour. (21)

2nd Draft

A man and woman encounter one another through a series of days spent indulging in their hobby of photography during the Golden hour. (21)

3rd Draft

A man and woman encounter one another through a series of days photographing in the Golden hour. Is there more of a connection than they know? (27)

I had a radical rethink at this point and scrapped it to start again.

4th Draft

A relationship is slowly formed between two people who have a mutual love for photography. (14) (Far too short) 

5th Draft

A man and a woman who are closer than they think find a common ground in photography during the Golden hour. (21)

Final Draft

A man and woman who are closer than they think, form a relationship through photography when the sun is low in the sky. (23)